Poly in a sea of mono: how to go about it?


According to Juliette Siegfried there are 7 keys that define the success of polyamorous relationships. During her workshop on the EuroBiCon16 conference on Saturday July 30 2016 she explained how these keys work.

The last key, number 7, is by far the most important: the ability to feel fine when being alone. If being alone is difficult for you, polyamory is still a bridge too far. An exercise that helps: compose a list of ten things that you can do on a free day when your partner isn’t available because he or she is on a date.

Keys number 1 to 5 all concern moral questions. To name a few:
* What are you looking for in a relationship? When does your relation feel ‘good’ for you? What does it take to achieve this?
* Do you truly believe in the possibility of loving more than one person at a time (including everything that comes with it)?
* Which ‘configuration’ do you prefer?
* How do you define terms like ‘sex’, ‘commitment’, ‘honesty’, ‘partner’ and ‘respect’, and do your partners share the same views? Do you and your partners always speak the same language?
* Is there a support group in the place where you live? Have you contacted them? (key number 6)

Key number 6 is just as essential as key 7, Siegfried emphasizes. Without a support group your chances of success will be significantly smaller.

Keys number 1 to 5 are all about honesty towards yourself and your love partners.
To conclude the workshop Juliette shared a good advice with the participants: “Do not emphasize too much on the form. Choose for the right people. If you do so, the right form will follow by itself.”

Much more about this subject is to be found among Juliette’s answers to numerous questions about polyamory on the website Quora.

More information about the support group in the city of Leyden can be found here.

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